blue period

eurydicemylost @ 2006-12-29T17:15:00

2006-12-29T23:16:15Z

New Journal Add Please:

and_citylights

eurydicemylost @ 2006-12-27T16:49:00

2006-12-27T22:50:25Z

New Journal:

and_citylights
and_citylights
and_citylights
and_citylights
and_citylights
and_citylights
and_citylights
and_citylights
and_citylights
and_citylights

Add it, please.

eurydicemylost @ 2006-12-24T13:55:00

2006-12-24T20:05:11Z

Weddings depress me probably more than almost any other event because I know that that happy couple twirling each other around and laughing that day, will be crying and taking each other for everything in the divorce later on. Or, if that's not the case, they'll abuse each other, one will get bored and the other will brood in resentment, or any of the myriad of things that can go wrong will go wrong and sooner or later there'll be no "love" at all.

Did you know that the feeling of love, those endorphins or whatever they are, the 'feel-good' impulses in your brain that release chemicals to produce that amazing sensation, can only last three years with one person - which explains why, statistically, most divorces occur at four.

I just don't know if I believe in monogamous love. I don't know if humans were meant for that. Certainly no other animal was. I know they say that penguins are, but really they just keep one mate per mating season.

I suppose the best anyone can hope for, year after year, is that they've married their very best friend so when those butterflies die, shrivel, turn to small and crumpled black nothingness, they are left with a solid foundation.

eurydicemylost @ 2006-12-22T17:20:00

2006-12-22T23:39:45Z

Going over my old entries, I'm quite proud of myself. Aside from the self-deprecation and the myriad of stupid comments I make, I think I've grown up a little bit. And some things haven't changed at allllllll.

HAHAHA STILL TRUE:

"Oh my god, enough with the fifties-esque polkadotted dresses already!!!!! Seriously, every single freaking myspace has someone in a little polkadotted dress/shirt with some sort of caption below it like 'electrique<3' or 'flawed' or 'beautiful disaster' or something ridiculously cliche like that. And the straight-leg jeans, seriously, don't wear them if you're fat!!! And anyway, you can't just spray-paint on some straight-leg jeans, put on a "vintage" top you bought at urban outfitters, add some ballet flats and a hair barette and call yourself fashion forward!

Just like you can't pen together some random words from thesaurus.com that you think sound 'deep' and call yourself a writer. Just like you can't pick up a camera and take some batman-angled pictures of yourself and call yourself a photographer.

No, I'm just kidding. Seriously, that's so unique, you and all of your friends and your little uniform are so, so, so ORIGINAL that I'm just jealous. Oh and it's so cute when all of you go pigeon-toed and giggle like little girls. No, I am dead serious!!! It's addddorrabbbleee to act like you're five when you're actually a big, fat, sixteen-year-old. Everyone's charmed, really. And your writing? Deep! Mind-Altering! The photos? Moved me to tears! You are a real, bonafide INTELLECTUAL, SERIOUSLY. Now what was that about Perks Of Being A Wallflower again?"

There are a lot of other things that are still true too, but I don't want to go looking for them.

eurydicemylost @ 2006-12-17T23:19:00

2006-12-18T05:21:44Z

I went to Pam's Patio Kitchen for the first time and I really, really enjoyed it.

Some president, I don't remember which exactly, or maybe it was a Senator, I don't know, his favorite snack was frozen milk and cherries; I think that sounds really delicious - but it might just be one of those things that sounds great but in reality doesn't work. For instance, when I read about Butterbeer in Harry Potter I tried to make my own by mixing together rootbear, a little butter, and some milk and sugar in a cup and microwaving it. Needless to say, the drink was less than wonderful!

Math final tomorrow :[

eurydicemylost @ 2006-12-14T20:13:00

2006-12-15T02:23:54Z

I WANT A JOB SOOOO MUCH - Since I am of age to apply to Sporting Eyes, the sunglass store that's not actually a store but more of a small kiosk, I think I'll go ahead and just try there even though it will mean having to face the elements every day while I work. Atleast the harsh conditions mean that no one will want to compete with me.

I'm actually starting to enjoy timed writings but that's only because I've got 8's so far; I think this last one was pretty horrible but I'm hoping not to get lower than a 7.

But I'm not going to complain about my grades in that class! English is the only subject I am taking (besides the obviously easy Creative Writing) that I don't have to study for ever. Even sentence diagramming was okay in the end - somehow when I get to tests, I just know what to do. But I'm just a writing person. It's just kind of my thing - but, then again, it's kind of a lot of people's thing.

Honestly, I'd rather be really, really, exceptionally good at math and atleast that's something unique.

BLAHHH I'M GOING TO STUDY FOR CRAZY MR. RYAN'S FINAL EXAM, 200 QUESTIONS AND NOT A SINGLE REVIEW, NOT EVEN A LECTURE THAT SORT OF OUTLINES WHAT IT WILL FOCUS ON AHKSJFKSDJFAKSLDF!!!!!

eurydicemylost @ 2006-11-26T23:08:00

2006-11-27T04:08:36Z

+I'm about to watch Titanic
-It's going to make me cry

+I'm about to eat three veggie bites
-190 Calories for three of them
+I exercised today
-I hate to exercise

-My hair is unwashed and disgusting
+I hate having to spend time on my hair
+I don't mind it all that much, I mostly just take care of it for other people's sake

-EW I'M SO GROSS^^^

+Breakfast at Tiffany's was on earlier while I was painting my nails
-I hate how so many stupid, stupid, stupid girls imitate the whole Holly Golightly thing. It's lame. You're not Audrey Hepburn. You're not stylish or charmingly crazy, you're probably not charming period. You probably don't even know that movie was based off a book, and that the author, AKA the main character in the movie, was gay and not attractive at all. Go figure. It's not even my favorite movie or book or anything so I don't know why I get so posessive. I just hate phonies.

I've been really disappointed by the movie selection lately. I think Borat looks mediocre, along with pretty much everything else playing. It's lame, but I sort of want to see Turistas when it comes out; not that I think it will be so great, it's just feeding off of the whole Hills Have Eyes intensity-gore thing, but I just want to see how it ends.

OKAY GNIGHT AND GOOOOOOD LUCK SW33T DRAMesz daksdjfsdk3123$@#9

P.S.

I just saw a preview for Bobby but I don't know about Lindsay Lohan. I don't think she's a very good actress, she can never get into the characters, she's always just Lindsay Lohan acting as whoever it is, you know? Whatever, guys think she's hott, naturally that's enough of a credential.

P.P.S.

I'm not even a big movie person! I don't even know the last time I saw a movie.

eurydicemylost @ 2006-11-24T01:02:00

2006-11-24T06:02:44Z

I've been so much happier than usual lately.
Maybe it's because I've been clean for so long.

It's not as if I did it on purpose, you know. It just sort of happened. I really didn't notice, and so sobriety kind of came upon me - I'm not thankful or sad or any emotion at all. I've been completely future-oriented at the moment so I haven't had time to feel much, or even much to feel anything about.

And perhaps that is truly the reason for my unexplainable happiness. I don't worry about anything anymore except getting where I want to go and that makes me a more positive person.

Oh!

I'm starting a clothing "business" really soon (translation: a myspace where I sell things I've made or altered) for ISM class so everyone be on the look out for that and buy lots of things from me so my grade stays high! I'm going to need some models though so if anyone's interested, just contact me.

I guess, in summation, my life has sorted itself out for the time being.

P.S.

I'm not proud of it or anything, but you'll probably be hard-pressed to find someone who gets into musicals/movies with dancing more than I do; however, I simply cannot stand reality shows that involve dancing!!! Dancing with the Stars, that new Dirty Dancing thing - what the hell, television, what the hell? I'm frankly disgusted by the amount of vapid programming the masses seem to lap up. And I don't even blame the producers, they're just making money off of the public's stupidity. It's not stupidity actually, I don't know what it is that makes normally (semi) intelligent human beings start vegetating in front of the "tube" whenever reality TV comes on. Seriously, and what the fuck is Beauty and the Geek? Oh my god, let's make the most ignorant, sexist, shallow programming possible playing on age-old stereotypes pretending to attempt to look past them while really just re-enforcing those empty ideas and see if anyone catches on - oh, no, they're all too busy laughing at what wacky thing they're going to make the "Beauty's" do next or what sad little quote those Geeks are going to spit out. It's so funny how they paired up a MENSA member with a Sorority Girl and everyone acts like he's so inept because he can't dance on stage while at the same time cooing and aw-ing when she's forced to change a tire in Daisy Duke's - of course beautiful girls can't do that, but atleast she's showing off her body. And who's to even say those girls are the "Beauty's"?

WhATEVER I HATE TELEVISION I DON'T EVEN KNOW WHY I BOTHER, I'M STICKING TO DVD'S.

eurydicemylost @ 2006-11-23T14:16:00

2006-11-23T19:16:34Z

I'm asking everyone to please do me a favor, my science project is due on Tuesday and I still need a bit more data.

Please just fill out the survey and comment to this entry - No one will be able to see your survey but me. Please do not post anonymously because I need to be able to determine your "stereotype" for the project - If you really, really don't want me to know who you are then please put what stereotype you think you fit into out of the following in your subject line: Punk, Nerd, Jock, Goth or Metalhead, Gangster/Ghetto, Skater, Prep.

I know it seems juvenile, but that's the project, please help!!!!

Just Delete the (options) that you don't want, leave only your choice.

1. Gender:
(Male)
(Female)

2. Race:

(White)
(Hispanic/Mexican American)
(African American/African)
(Asian/Asian American)
(Other)

3. Family Income - If you are between brackets, choose whichever is closest:

(Very Wealthy - 1,000,000/year +)
(Moderately Wealthy - 500,000/year)
(Upper Middle Class - 100,000/year )
(Lower Middle Class - 75,000/year)
(50,000/year)
(Lower than 50,000/year)

4. Do you drive:

(Yes)
(No)

5. Which of the following is your favorite genre of music:

(Top 40/Whatever's on the radio)
(Classical)
(I don't listen to music)
(Punk or some variant of it)
(Country)
(Metal or Hardcore)
("Emo" or "Screamo")
(Rap/Hip Hop or R&B)
(Pop Punk)
(Indie/Alternative)
(Other)

6. How many hours a day do you spend on the computer:

(Less than 1)
(Less than 3)
(4)
(More than 5)

7. What do you spend the most time doing on the computer:

(Homework)
(Myspace)
(Playing games)
(Looking up personal interests)
(Another online site other than Myspace used to talk with people)

8. Where do you hangout on the weekends:

(The movies - Huebner Oaks, Fiesta, Silverado etc.)
(A Friend's House)
(Some public place - Mall, Sultan's etc.)
(A party, either at someone's house or otherwise)
(Other)

9. Have you ever tried alcohol:

(Yes)
(No)

10. Do you regularly (during weekends or atleast three times a month) engage in the use of alcohol:

(Yes)
(No)

11. Have you ever engaged in drug use (marijuana, cocaine, Xanax etc.):

(Yes)
(No)

12. Do you regularly (during weekends or atleast 3 times a month) engage in drug use:

(Yes)
(No)

13. Where do you stand on the following issues:

The War on Iraq/War on Terror

(Pro)
(Con)
(Don't Know/Don't Care)

Animal Testing to Develop Helpful Medication for Humans

(Pro)
(Con)
(Don't Know/Don't Care)

School Uniforms

(Pro)
(Con)
(Don't Know/Don't Care)

Abortion

(Pro)
(Con)
(Don't Know/Don't Care)

Gay Marriage

(Pro)
(Con)
(Don't Know/Don't Care)

14. Do you attend/plan to attend college:

(Yes - Ivy League or similarly exclusive - Vassar, NYU, MIT etc.)
(Yes - UT, A&M or a college of similar renown)
(Yes - UTSA/SAC or a college of similar renown)
(No)

15. Do you feel/Have you ever felt let down by your parents or guardians:

(Yes)
(No)
(Don't know)

16. Ideal Body Type and Ideal body type for those of the opposite sex:

Girls -
(VERY thin)
(Moderately thin)
(Curvy)
(Thick)
(Large)

Boys-

(VERY thin)
(Moderately thin)
(Muscular)
(Thick)
(Large)

17. How would you rate the way you look on a scale of 1-10 (HONESTLY)

(1)(2)(3)(4)(5)(6)(7)(8)(9)(10)

18. How would you compare how attractive you are to how attractive others who dress similarly to you are:

(I am much more attractive)
(I am slightly more attractive)
(I am the same)
(They are slightly more attractive)
(They are much more attractive)

19. How important a role do you believe 'looks' play in society?

(Very important)
(Slightly important)
(Not very important)
(Unimportant)

eurydicemylost @ 2006-11-17T22:59:00

2006-11-18T03:59:55Z

Today was completely dull. Absolutely achromatic.

Can you believe that it's already nearing december? I mean, when did this happen? Junior year has gone by SO fast, I can't even believe it! Last year inched along but now, now that everything REALLY matters and I have to turn myself into an amazing person to get into my preferred (only) choice of college, it's too fast! I can hardly keep up with everything! It's ridiculous. But I've been going many, many things to boost my desirability to my dream school!! But it's never enough!! I'm applying Early Decision so this is basically the last year I have to make everything wonderful.

Because if I don't get into ___________ I will kill myself!! (I don't want to jinx myself by giving the name. I know it's juvenile, but really.)

No, not really, but I don't know what I'd do.

If anyone reading this is a senior can you tell me what colleges you are applying to and things that they like to see??

eurydicemylost @ 2006-11-15T01:43:00

2006-11-15T06:43:46Z

I was reading over my old livejournal entries - I've changed so much! I can't even believe it. And it's really not in a way I'm ashamed of, just little things that add up to a very different whole, but it just baffles me.

For one, I don't eat fast food anymore.
I drink water constantly.
I'm a lot more of an elitist.
I'm so much quieter now, less free. I never know what to say anymore and I used to be able to think of things, I really did.
I've gotten uglier but I suppose that comes with age.
I've lost that naive quality that comes with being young and in love.
I used to think I knew everything, even if I acted like I thought I knew nothing. Now, I know that I don't know anything.
I wear less makeup.
The way I dress is radically different but you know, I don't even try anymore. I wake up and I throw on the first dirty thing that I see because it just doesn't matter to me anymore. I'm too tired for anything.
I've changed in other ways too, but I don't want to talk about them.
I'm not as funny as I used to be.

I'm still paranoid, even more so.
I still hate cockroaches.
My hair is the same color.
I've kept some of the same friends.
I still shop at goodwill.
My favorite foods are basically the same.

I wish I was back the way I was in 9th grade. I wish I still cared about my appearance and that I could ever talk to people. I guess I'm just as pessimistic too, but in a less comedic way.

Atleast now I know exactly where I plan to be in two years, and I have time to make it happen.

don't comment on thissssss, i'm not going to disable anything so i'm just trusting you all not to!!!

eurydicemylost @ 2006-11-13T01:58:00

2006-11-13T06:58:47Z

Nobody, nobody, can eat 50 eggs.

eurydicemylost @ 2006-11-11T19:40:00

2006-11-12T00:40:21Z

Since I don't have much to say anymore, I thought I'd do a picture post. Just to catch you guys up on how little I've changed (physically) :\\\\\\\

I don't have a camera anymore but my laptop does a have camera in it!!

(hahaha I love my face here^^^)

Ew I have an ISM project due next week and 2 sources. Gayyy.
I'm thinking about taking that World Affairs class next year, is anyone in it now? Is it a lot of work?

I'm watching Coming to America now, I don't know. I'm not doing much except waiting to be picked up . I never realized that there were real giraffes in that movie.

I miss a lot of people right now, and you know who you are! Text me anytime, okay?

eurydicemylost @ 2006-11-07T01:10:00

2006-11-07T06:10:01Z

I hate that I can only do my homework late at night when everything, time and my stamina, is running is out.

High school has taken an unexpected downward turn, socially, but academically I'm doing as I'd like to be. That sounds like a rhyme but it's not that good of one.

The only things I can find on T.V. this late are Golden Girls and Sex and the City, obviously I opt for the latter; I will say this, the hilarious antics of a few wacky and witty old-timers is not as much of a thrill ride as one might expect.

Not that I really watch television, it's mostly for the noise-value as I work because I just can't stand the house quiet at night, I feel so vunerable. I can't stand a dark house either, ever.

A new laptop = too many distractions for me. But I love that I made the switch to mac, it really is a world of a difference performance-wise.

I don't know what to give my ISM speech over!!!

:(
That class is so difficult but I'm managing an A and the next two months are pretty much 100% Research Days A.K.A. I don't have to come to class for 5th period.
:)

Now back to homework!

eurydicemylost @ 2006-10-25T19:10:00

2006-10-26T00:19:08Z

Things are alright and stressful and wonderful and dreary. No one knows who Allen Ginsberg is and I get by day by day by long hateful day. Iced Green Tea quiz laughing laughing quiz awkward tension quiz test test TEST!

There's so much! And I think I'm just biding my time and cocooning till Manhattan accepts me in her steely embrace at NYU next year. Early decision? You bet.

This summer means a month of studying at the prestigious Cambridge University in Cambridge, England, and a month of drinking absinthe in Paris and Rome to the tune of European trash trance with a close friend or two; frankly, I can't wait for either.

This year is speeding by. Friends are lost, friends are gained, silences form and then that's it quiz quiz test i'm done here.

&

Kayla you're back!!!!!

P.S.

No one get all pissed off. I know that pretty much everyone who reads my livejournal knows who Allen Ginsberg is and I obviously wasn't referring to you.

eurydicemylost @ 2006-10-02T22:29:00

2006-10-03T03:34:33Z

My neighbor stole my cat and is lying about it. I think we're going to call the police or something because it's REALLY obvious she took it out of my lawn and just gave it a different collar, and now she's trying to tell me that I don't recognize it.

She's like 40 so she should be more mature than this; I'm pretty dissapointed in all of humanity right now.

--------

But my birthday is tomorrow!

I'll be 17,

in my opinion (humbly),

the perfect age.

I really can't wait, not that I'm having a party or getting anything super special (atleast not that I know of), but I'm just really happy. It's been one year. Too much has changed but at the same time, not enough. If you see me tomorrow, smile. Or wave. Or whatever your style is.

P.S.
It's actually sort of stupid but birthdays always depress me. There's just a little voice in my head that tells me 'You're one year closer to being 30 and obsolete', which is true and it's frightning, but at the moment I do have some time.

eurydicemylost @ 2006-09-29T22:54:00

2006-09-30T04:01:45Z

Things are...going well!!

Well, sort of. I'm keeping on the straight-and-narrow with my level head and my heavy heart. It's hard to try like this, I've never done it before and, frankly, I don't see how you people do it. Not you people as a whole, but you few people who read my livejournal who actually put effort into school (and get amazing results, I must say)

Atleast I never have to study for English, Spanish or US History but math and science are killng me - my only B's. Creative writing is a joke. ISM isn't hard yet and we have off-periods 3 times a week.

I want Mr. Foerester to come back but Ms. Carder's tests are really easy so maybe this isn't such a curse.

I'm sort of at odds with myself. I would really like to start being normal, one of them and whatnot, you know, the people who go to bed early and get all of their reccommended vitamins and minerals, the people who shower every day and have healthy, functioning relationships and high self esteem; "perfection", community service, coordinated outfits, shiny hair. But at the same time, I couldn't picture myself like that and I shudder a little every time I try. I'm just sort of a natural-born fuck up, I suppose. All that matters to me is getting into my first choice school and leaving San Antonio for the birds. After next year, I'm (hopefully) gone.

poppy seeds, poppy seeds

2006-09-05T12:57:24Z

I'd say the world is in a pretty shitty state. We're still enduring (but not fixing) problems like poverty, global warming and all-out warfare, the rainforest is still disspearing into machines, endangered animals don't seem to want to be saved and to top it all off, Steve Irwin was pierced through the heart by a stingray.

On the brightside, I had a very nice weekend (no details) and I've found a possible ISM mentor, but he's too, too good and I don't want to say the name because I'm afraid I'll jinx it!

:|

eurydicemylost @ 2006-08-28T23:05:00

2006-08-29T04:22:51Z

Do you ever think something's funny, and you just start laughing and laughing and laughing to the point that you don't even remember why whatever it is you were laughing at in the first place was so funny, but you can't stop yourself, it just keeps coming, harder and faster, but suddenly it sounds more like a cackle and it's heartless like laughter should never be and you're laughing so hard you begin to cry, and when you realize you're crying you start to think about the insanity of it all and then you're actually crying, crying so hard that the laughing turns to sobbing and whoever you're with at this given moment has to back up and think "What the fuck?"

--

School's alright. I'm stressing but so are a lot of people. I wish I could enable comments but it's gotten to the point where I feel vunerable when I do, so I don't. I like the safety your silence provides me, I wish (and then again don't wish) that it could always be like this, picking and choosing, admitting only what you'd like to hear and dismissing the rest. I hate that it's usually the truest things I shy away from, though, except among the masochists, that is a trait I believe everyone posseses.

P.S. That has a point, you wouldn't know. You might tomorrow if the person in question talks as much shit as I suspect they will, but then again it might blow over by then.

P.P.S. People will really surprise you if you let them (both negatively and positively) but I do adore meeting new people and getting closer to acquaintances.

eurydicemylost @ 2006-08-24T19:51:00

2006-08-25T00:57:16Z

I like all of my teachers, I have friends in most of my classes and I know most everybody in my lunch. I think I'm doing alright for once. Stressed, tired, but alright. I haven't eaten in a really long time which is probably, due to my low blood sugar, adding to this mood of pleasant apathy I'm enjoying at the moment.

I got my hair done after school today so no more roots (!) and I have two free passes to Seaworld; I wouldn't use them except that I feel so wasteful for letting a thing like that just expire without any thought whatsoever, so this weekend Ommar and I will probably end up going.

I want to start going off campus already.

Ew! I have to write my ISM speech, finish my math, and write the Cornell notes on history which, by the way, don't help me not at all in any way whatsoever. But I'm a good little AP student so, I'm going to get started!

P.S. I hate public speaking. I hate, hate, hate public speaking.

eurydicemylost @ 2006-08-20T22:31:00

2006-08-21T03:44:03Z

I've enjoyed this summer immensely, more than I can say, it's been one of the best of my entire life, but unfortunately I got back from Europe too late and I've had no time to adjust and suddenly school is starting tomorrow. My Summer Reading is nearly done (as are my nails) but somehow something just doesn't feel right.
My backpack is packed, as is my purse. I've got every supply I'll need and even a few I won't. Everything seems okay but I just can't shake this nervousness, or maybe it's just that I don't want to see people again. I've gotten used to saying what I think and letting my hair go wild, I don't want to have to put on any more shows for the sake of social acceptance. I don't want to converse or laugh at inane jokes to make the other person feel better. I want to play PSP and eat celery sticks in front of the TV waiting for Ommar to get home. I want car rides at midnight and irresponsibility again. I want pot from London. I want all of my new friends and some of my old.
I don't know what I want actually, it all seems to get mixed up inside my head. I want to go to sleep and wake up in nine months.

---

But don't let this fool you! I'm happy, I really am. I turn 17 on October 3rd and I'm excited for that. I have so many things going for me right now and it feels really, really good. We'll just have to see how school affects that.

eurydicemylost @ 2006-08-13T02:13:00

2006-08-13T07:14:08Z

I'm back!!!

eurydicemylost @ 2006-08-11T21:28:00

2006-08-11T20:40:10Z

I spent way too much money today on Oxford St. buying exactly what I don't need: more clothing.
In all seriousness, the next time I go shopping I need some someone to come with me and convince me to buy colors other than black, white, red and gray. It's ridiculous how my entire wardrobe is pretty much comprised of these four colors with only a few exceptions that I hardly wear anyway.

And I'm coming home tomorrow. Wish me luck getting through Heathrow security/not getting blown up by terrorists.

The Schedule

2006-08-09T20:32:07Z

What have we got together?

1. US History AP - Ryan
2. Film/Creative Writing - Campos
3. Spanish 3H - Gonzales
4. ISM H - Brown
5. Lunch
6. Chemistry 1 PAP - Fuller
7. Algebra 2 - Morton
8. English 3 AP - Foerester

--------------

2 more years. Just two more years and then I'm out-

JUST KIDDING AND THEN I'M STUCK IN A DIFFERENT TYPE OF SCHOOL FOR FOUR OR FIVE OR EVEN SIX MORE YEARS YESSSSSSSSS!! HOW COOL IS THAT!!! Atleast I'll (hopefully) get out of Texas then.

Oh, you can reply to this one. So please do if we have a class or lunch together.

eurydicemylost @ 2006-07-25T21:15:00

2006-07-25T19:19:35Z

Right before I left for Italy, really the night before, I walked into my room to find a huge moth just sitting there by my bed, it's wingspan was literally larger than my two palms put together measuring from the base to my fingertips; I am not exaggerating. I don't know what this meant, good, bad or maybe nothing at all, but I sort of took it as a sign.

I don't know why I'm remembering this now but I kind of wanted to share it.